Finding Clarity in Transitions
What is calling you?
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” - Carl Jung
In her book "Untamed," Glennon Doyle describes how we tend to construct our identities like sandcastles.
As we age, we often confuse who we truly are with the roles we assume in life.
Roles come with labels, and labels help us to navigate the world and signal to others and ourselves which boxes we belong in. This is helpful in some contexts, but it gets tricky as we confuse our sense of self with the things we do and how we relate to others.
I find "sandcastles" a particularly perfect term to describe these labels of identity since they all depend on external factors. I can't be a wife without a husband. Am I still a daughter if my mom passes away? What happens to my sense of self if I have an accident and I can't surf anymore—am I still a surfer? What if I lost the spark about my job?
Who am I when the tide comes? Who am I when the things which I rely on to have a sense of self are not there anymore?
Most of us struggle with changes; we resist them as much as we can. Part of this struggle comes from the pain of losing a sense of self that we've attached to what is asking to be transformed. This is navigating the unknown — and it can be terrifying.
Between letting go of the old version of ourselves and gaining clarity about our new, actualized version lies a space. This "in-between" often brings feelings of overwhelm, disconnection, and stagnation. It's known as the liminal space of transitions.
What I learned with transitions
Only a year ago, I had to navigate this liminal space once more — and oh gosh, I never said "I'm lost" so many times to my therapist. I felt so stuck in so many areas of my life and still had no idea what else to move towards or what was required of me in the present.
I felt that the labels I used to carry weren't enough to tell the full story of who I was becoming… but still I hadn't found new ones to gain clarity on myself and communicate to the world.
Now, as I reflect on what I have experienced in the past years and in other moments of transition in my life, I have developed the belief that transitions, when crossed with intention, come to help us evolve into a more aligned version of who we have become.
There's an aspect of calling to it—to transform layers and allow us to grow and return to a more authentic version of ourselves.
Transitions are also an opportunity to foster deeper grounding in ourselves. To develop a stronger sense that our value and sense of self are inherent, rather than tied to the labels we carry in the past, present, or future. It's an opportunity to be home with yourself.
Tools I've used in transitions
I discovered and used many tools and resources to help me navigate these changes in how to relate to myself and, therefore, how to show up differently in the world. These are some which definitely helped me gain traction in my process.
Mapping my energy levels and identifying what weighed me down and what raised me up. Our energy levels can provide us with so many insights about what's worth pursuing and what might need to be let go. I wrote about this in detail here: The advice no one tells you about raising your energy levels.
Strengthening the connection with my body, senses, and intuition — When navigating uncertainty, without a clear plan or goal (and even when we have one), we can gain valuable information and insights from how our body and senses react to situations and people presented on our way. It can point us to what might be interesting to explore further and what might be right to cease and redirect. I wrote more in detail about this here: The power of your heart.
Expanding perspective — Having skilled people with whom I could speak at times and who could reflect back to me my own thoughts and perspectives in constructive ways—either a therapist or coach—was key to helping me better understand myself and gain perspective on the big picture as I navigated the dark parts of it.
Making an inventory of myself and creating my own compass — mapping skills, interests, knowledge, people, and resources regarding past, present, and future. It allowed me to gain a clear and full picture of patterns and direction.
Experimentation — After gathering relevant information, gaining clarity, and finding direction towards what was calling me, I began creating small experiments. These allowed me to observe my responses, gauge my feelings, and determine if certain paths were worth exploring further.
Trust that your next chapter is more aligned with your true self
My friend Emily Ávila, who is a leadership coach and has been studying transitions for a long time, shifted my perspective the moment she switched the question "What are you moving towards?" to "What is calling you?"
It's subtle but makes all the difference, as it gives us a sense that there's a greater intelligence in this interconnected universe which, when we decide to follow, will eventually lead us to expanded (and more fulfilled) versions of ourselves.
Embracing Transitions - 26th Oct
A year after I met Emily and had crossed much of this journey by her side, we joined forces to support others going through transitions with the resources and guidance from which I benefited.
We are hosting a 1-day immersion called Embracing Transitions on the 26th of Oct, in the south of Lisbon, Portugal.
The goal for the participants of this day retreat is to gain clarity and direction about their liminal spaces, and craft a clear action plan for their next steps—which can start the very next day.
If you're in Portugal and knows someone who can benefit from this (maybe yourself?) please share with them! learn more about the event and program here.
With love,
Nat
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