I so needed this. I’ve spent way too much time assuming people don’t want to hang out, when really… we’re probably all just sitting at home watching TikToks hoping someone texts us first 😅. Gonna go send a “coffee?” text to someone now. Thanks for the nudge 💛
I love everything about this! Making friends as an adult is super hard, and takes so much effort — that we are often not ready to make.
And it's so funny what you said that everyone is basically scared to make the first move, because, I've recently experienced that. I was interested in meeting up with a girl I met briefly at an Artist Collective in my town. But I was for a while too shy to do it. So I invited her to my exhibition opening and once she was there she said she has been meaning to talk to me this whole time as well.
Now we have coffee dates every week. :D Last time, I told her how happy I was to have met her, because I felt lonely and didn't have any friends in town, to what she responded: me too! I was so surprised, because like you, I thought she had plenty of friends and wouldn't feel the need to have one more haha
I moved to Lisbon from Colombia in 2018 and felt this way. Now I live in nyc and this is such a beautiful reminder. “Have you tried helping people feel less alone?”, I loved that! Thank you
Thank you for the idea of inviting a potential friend interest to coffee. I've done that several times, and it kickstarts our relationship; it's a great way to find out if we're compatible. There is one lady --another writer---who I've invited out/met with on several occasions. But. while I'm always doing the inviting, I watch as she complains of lonelieness/lacking friendships on social media. Then I go and invite her again and we commit, but the day of something comes up. Now, it's on her to make the next offer, and... well, it's been over a year. AND- on occasion she still complains about not having friends... OY! I'm a little offended, naturally, as you may be as well that I am here, a fellow writer, and she is not taking me up on the offers for friendship. I wonder if she does in fact really want a friend, or only on her terms? Naturally, I'm a little irked. Maybe I'm just not her "type" and I need to accept that and move on, as I have. Meantime, I've made some other friendships again by way of just asking to meet for coffee, it's non-threatening, casual, and non-committal beyond that hour or so).
But-- and this is what many others here who have commented are stating-- we're all mostly afraid of rejection. Thanks for sharing your wisdom here.
So good. And so true. I remember when I was a child and I couldn't wait for my "date" with my best friend and the friend group I was involved in at the time. It was such an exciting "event", even though we were seeing each other multiple times a week. In that regard, I choose to stay a child forever. And my impression as I entered the world of adults is that few people form new friendships intentionally, which is something that people need to talk about more and change.
Yes, it's way "harder" to form intentional friendships as an adult. Friendships require time, energy, and attention to be nurtured.. things we have plenty as children, but sometimes not so much as adults. But I agree with you. I think that nurturing friendships as an adult is such an important part of a living a fulfilled contempt life! :) Thank you for sharing Anna.
Thank you for this! I’ve moved continents for the second time in 4 years plus I’m 37 so lots of people are usually busy now with family planning etc. It feels incredibly hard to form any connections. I used to make that mistake of having too high expectations or forcing things. What helped me so far was taking out the pressure, engaging in sports, baking sweets for neighbors and freshly made acquaintances and trying to meet people over shared passions. But it’s a long, bumpy ride and it will take time. Glad to hear you found your community! 🫶
oh totally. It's a long ride more often than not. I love your idea of baking things for people! Actually this is a great tip to connect with others. Always bring food to the party, and people instantly feel appreciation for you! haha I did that when I first arrived in Portugal to a group of people, and it def helped me win a bit of their hearts. 🫶
I could emphasise so much with your experiences but on top of that I also had to think of a friend that I made throughout the past couple of years, so as an adult. And I realised how fondly I think of her and our friendship BECAUSE it is so hard to make friends as adults. Like, I am so proud we managed to become friends 😅 I almost appreciate that friendship a little more because I know we somewhat worked hard for it. 😅
I like this!! I’ve been going through a big spring cleaning of friends and have made room to be open to some potential new connections in this new phase of life where people might have more similar core values. This is nice to hear that others might be out there thinking the same.
I tried timeleft before! It was super fun, i loved the experience as entertainment, but personally I found hard to connect with people on a more personal level because of the group setting. I think I do better on 1:1s 😅 i hope you have a good time!
This was a refreshing read. As someone who is also an introvert, I find it hard to make friends because iI hate being the first one to reach out and I don't want to bother people. The coffee idea makes sense, I just have to implement it now 😬😅
You got this!! It's all about practice, I promise. In the beginning, it was really uncomfortable for me. but the more i did, the more I enjoyed doing it :)
I loved this. I’m originally from Portugal, and I’ve lived in Sweden for over a decade. I used to think the difficulty in making friends as an adult was a Nordic issue, but I’ve come to see it’s a much more widespread, human experience.
The monk’s advice really stayed with me: Have you tried helping other people feel less alone? What a beautiful reframe. Thank you for this gentle, honest piece.
I so needed this. I’ve spent way too much time assuming people don’t want to hang out, when really… we’re probably all just sitting at home watching TikToks hoping someone texts us first 😅. Gonna go send a “coffee?” text to someone now. Thanks for the nudge 💛
Yes!! Most of us are watching titktoks. The world needs more coffee texts 💙💙
I love everything about this! Making friends as an adult is super hard, and takes so much effort — that we are often not ready to make.
And it's so funny what you said that everyone is basically scared to make the first move, because, I've recently experienced that. I was interested in meeting up with a girl I met briefly at an Artist Collective in my town. But I was for a while too shy to do it. So I invited her to my exhibition opening and once she was there she said she has been meaning to talk to me this whole time as well.
Now we have coffee dates every week. :D Last time, I told her how happy I was to have met her, because I felt lonely and didn't have any friends in town, to what she responded: me too! I was so surprised, because like you, I thought she had plenty of friends and wouldn't feel the need to have one more haha
Omg!! I love this ❤️❤️ yes, for more coffee invitations
When I saw Portugal I was hoping you’d be in Porto, which is where I am new at! If you’re near I’d love to get some coffee. ❤️ ☕️ Loved reading this !
I'm actually in Lisbon area, but if I ever go up there, coffee sounds cool!
I moved to Lisbon from Colombia in 2018 and felt this way. Now I live in nyc and this is such a beautiful reminder. “Have you tried helping people feel less alone?”, I loved that! Thank you
Yeh, sometimes making it less about ourselves and more about others can be the shift we need to get us out of our own heads :)
Thank you for the idea of inviting a potential friend interest to coffee. I've done that several times, and it kickstarts our relationship; it's a great way to find out if we're compatible. There is one lady --another writer---who I've invited out/met with on several occasions. But. while I'm always doing the inviting, I watch as she complains of lonelieness/lacking friendships on social media. Then I go and invite her again and we commit, but the day of something comes up. Now, it's on her to make the next offer, and... well, it's been over a year. AND- on occasion she still complains about not having friends... OY! I'm a little offended, naturally, as you may be as well that I am here, a fellow writer, and she is not taking me up on the offers for friendship. I wonder if she does in fact really want a friend, or only on her terms? Naturally, I'm a little irked. Maybe I'm just not her "type" and I need to accept that and move on, as I have. Meantime, I've made some other friendships again by way of just asking to meet for coffee, it's non-threatening, casual, and non-committal beyond that hour or so).
But-- and this is what many others here who have commented are stating-- we're all mostly afraid of rejection. Thanks for sharing your wisdom here.
Thank you for sharing your experience Nessa! I'm sure it will inspire others!!
So good. And so true. I remember when I was a child and I couldn't wait for my "date" with my best friend and the friend group I was involved in at the time. It was such an exciting "event", even though we were seeing each other multiple times a week. In that regard, I choose to stay a child forever. And my impression as I entered the world of adults is that few people form new friendships intentionally, which is something that people need to talk about more and change.
Yes, it's way "harder" to form intentional friendships as an adult. Friendships require time, energy, and attention to be nurtured.. things we have plenty as children, but sometimes not so much as adults. But I agree with you. I think that nurturing friendships as an adult is such an important part of a living a fulfilled contempt life! :) Thank you for sharing Anna.
Thank you for this! I’ve moved continents for the second time in 4 years plus I’m 37 so lots of people are usually busy now with family planning etc. It feels incredibly hard to form any connections. I used to make that mistake of having too high expectations or forcing things. What helped me so far was taking out the pressure, engaging in sports, baking sweets for neighbors and freshly made acquaintances and trying to meet people over shared passions. But it’s a long, bumpy ride and it will take time. Glad to hear you found your community! 🫶
oh totally. It's a long ride more often than not. I love your idea of baking things for people! Actually this is a great tip to connect with others. Always bring food to the party, and people instantly feel appreciation for you! haha I did that when I first arrived in Portugal to a group of people, and it def helped me win a bit of their hearts. 🫶
instant bookmark
❤️
That was a cute read. :)
I could emphasise so much with your experiences but on top of that I also had to think of a friend that I made throughout the past couple of years, so as an adult. And I realised how fondly I think of her and our friendship BECAUSE it is so hard to make friends as adults. Like, I am so proud we managed to become friends 😅 I almost appreciate that friendship a little more because I know we somewhat worked hard for it. 😅
That makes so much sense. I def appreciate very much the new friends I made as an adult. Love this for you 💙
I listen.
That's a very good way of making friends :)
I like this!! I’ve been going through a big spring cleaning of friends and have made room to be open to some potential new connections in this new phase of life where people might have more similar core values. This is nice to hear that others might be out there thinking the same.
Oh 100%, we're not alone, as we think, on our feelings and thoughts. I hope you can find some nice connections at this phase of your life :)
This is an amazing story, much love from New Jersey!
Sending you love back! 💙
I am feeling this constantly. In fact, as it happens, my partner and I have bought a ticket on "Timeleft" to join a random table of 5.
I tried timeleft before! It was super fun, i loved the experience as entertainment, but personally I found hard to connect with people on a more personal level because of the group setting. I think I do better on 1:1s 😅 i hope you have a good time!
This was a refreshing read. As someone who is also an introvert, I find it hard to make friends because iI hate being the first one to reach out and I don't want to bother people. The coffee idea makes sense, I just have to implement it now 😬😅
You got this!! It's all about practice, I promise. In the beginning, it was really uncomfortable for me. but the more i did, the more I enjoyed doing it :)
I loved this. I’m originally from Portugal, and I’ve lived in Sweden for over a decade. I used to think the difficulty in making friends as an adult was a Nordic issue, but I’ve come to see it’s a much more widespread, human experience.
The monk’s advice really stayed with me: Have you tried helping other people feel less alone? What a beautiful reframe. Thank you for this gentle, honest piece.
Yes, I think some places people are more open to strangers than others, but the premise is the same: we have to show up and put in the work.
The monk's advice never left me 💙
@Ash 💚